Sexuality is not just what we do with our bodies. As complex human beings, our sexuality is a thread woven throughout every area of our lives, intellectually, physically, emotionally, socially and spiritually. It is who we are and what we choose to do as male and female individuals.
Your sexuality is a gift!
Your individual sexuality is a precious gift and a gift to be treasured. Celebrating the fact that you were created male or female is exciting! Saving this gift to be opened at the right time in marriage has wonderful benefits for you and your future. Always remember that you are valuable and you should treat your life with value!
Where are you learning about sex?
Some of the places are probably friends, T.V., Music, Parents, Internet, and many more. Do these sources give you the entire picture and inform you of the consequences? In 1 hour of T.V. you can be exposed to 10-15 sexual messages. Many TV shows and movies only show you part of the picture and make it look real, but they do not tell you about Sexually Transmitted Infections (STI’s), an unplanned pregnancy or emotional pain. The media communicates the pleasure of having sex, but they don’t show what sex before marriage can do to your life, both now and in the future.
What’s the problem, its JUST sex?
Actually there is more going on than you think. The biggest most powerful sex organ is your brain and two brain events always occur with sexual experience:
Attachment-ever wonder why you just can’t shake the thoughts of someone you were sexually active with? The brain is releasing endorphins and enkephalins when two people share repeated sexual acts, these neurohormones can cause people to want more contact with that person. This attachment or “bonding” is felt as an emotion, but is actually brain activity.
Pleasure Addiction-how can something that feels good, be harmful? Remember the last time you did something so exciting you felt a rush? Well, that rush came from your brain, releasing dopamine—which acts as a “reward signal”. When someone has done something pleasurable, such as sex, it causes a desire for more, which is one characteristic of addiction. Again, this rush is felt as emotion, but is really caused by brain activity.
As you can see sex has just become a lot more complicated, due to the fact that you can’t prevent this brain activity during sexual activity.
I’m just having fun while I’m young…
Sure go ahead have fun, enjoy life, and travel the world. However, when it comes to exploring sexually you will most likely come to a dead end. Patterns of behavior repeated over and over will become habit, because that is how our brain structure has been trained. What you do to your brain now, can affect your future down the road.
It is your life, you are free to make your own decisions about sex…or are you?
You may believe you are free to express yourself physically through sex acts, but with every decision that is made there are consequences or outcomes. Many decisions have beneficial outcomes and many do not. Physical sexual expression outside of marriage can produce challenging and even life altering outcomes, as well as pleasure and excitement.
Your choices affect you future…
The pleasure and excitement will only last for a short while. However, being physically sexual outside of marriage with someone opens your life to risks that can last a lifetime:
Physical – Pregnancy, STI’s, Abortion, Date Violence, Abuse
Emotional – Guilty feelings, Used, Angry, Depressed, Confused, Hurt
Intellectual – Doing poorly in school, Seeing yourself as dumb, Not thinking about consequence
Social – Hurt reputation, Suspicious or mad parents, Partner not respectful, Loss of friends
Spiritual – Not feeling worthy of God’s love, Want to start over, God is far away, Don’t have peace
Not ready or interested in marriage to wait and express your physical sexuality!
Maybe a relationship is a safe place for this expression! By relationship, what would make it a healthy one for you? How long should you know the person or be in a relationship with them? Is a one night stand, hooking up or what happens at a party that you may or may not remember a healthy environment for physical sexual expression?
You can emotionally bond in a relationship that doesn’t leave you feeling guilty, used, angry, depressed, confused or hurt?
The very word relationship communicates closeness, even intimacy. True intimacy is based on respect, honor and love, love that wants the best for the other person, not self. This closeness is created by communication and shared experiences over time that leads to trust. Assessing your intimacy with another person can be beneficial.
Emotional Bonding
The following Intimacy Assesment Chart will help you asses your relationships.
Intimacy is closeness based on a strong, uniting feeling of respect, honor, and love. It is created by communication and experiences over time, leading to trust. It is not merely self disclosure or telling someone all about yourself.
The following criteria will help you rate your relationship for true intimacy. You can rate each person individually in the relationship or you can rate the relationship itself. 1 is low, 5 is high. Healthy relationships can be at different stages of development. This chart will help you to see where your relationship needs to grow. It can also show you where your relationship is at risk. (For instance, if your physical intimacy is rated high, but your commitment is rated low.)
Is it too late for me?
If you have already been sexually active for whatever the reason YOU can make the decision to stop. Although starting over, like with any habit, such as smoking, will come with some challenges. You can do it though! And AAA Life Services would like to help you.
Maybe someone used you through sexual abuse. There can be a fresh start for you. If you have been sexually abused, we encourage you to contact us and let us assist you to work through any emotional pain that you experienced. By talking through what happened, you can begin healing from the pain. You are not alone!
Choosing to wait—what’s in it for me?
Let’s Face It!
There are absolutely no health risks, physically, emotionally, relationally, spiritually, or intellectually with waiting to have sex until your married! Body parts will not fall off and you will not die from lack of sex! But on the other hand if you have sex outside of a faithful marriage you put yourself at risk for all of the above; physical complications, emotional baggage, relational damage and unfortunately you won’t know how it will affect you until it is up close, personal and in your face. Abstinence is not out dated, nor is it unrealistic. If you are not having sex with every person you meet, then you are in some form of the word, abstaining from sex, therefore it is a realistic choice and lifestyle. It would also be good to note that many teens and young adults today are choosing abstinence. No one can make your choice for you, only YOU can do that. Your sexuality is to be treasured and valued. By choosing to wait, you are telling others that I value myself and my future and do not want to do anything to mess that up. It takes more courage to stand up and say no, than it does to sit back and say yes or do nothing and let whatever happens happen.
Still need more facts?
Ok, so maybe you are starting to think this may be true. Here are some web-sites that you can go directly to from this site. These will also help give you information about your sexual health and the decision to save that gift for marriage. You are responsible for the decisions about your sexual health.
www.troublewith.com
